frankly mr. shankly

i don't like the new death cab. and by "new" i mean last two albums. they are missing so much of what dcfc used to possess.


Left uninspired by the crust of railroad earth that touched the lead to the pages of your manuscript.I took my thumb off the concrete and saved up all my strength to hammer pillars for a picket fence.It wasn't quiet what it seemed... a lack of pleasantries (my able body isn't what it used to be).I must admit I was charmed by your advances... your advantage left me helplessly into you.Talking how the group had begun to splinter and I could taste your lipstick on the filter...I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress but call-response overturns conviction every time.My memory cannot recall... a wave of alcohol we shared a cigarette and shaved the hours off.Lushing with the hallway congregation, my best judgement signed its resignation.I rushed this.We moved too fast, and tripped into the guestroom.

listen ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9TpM2FRu-4

i guess mainly drunken pain. and a stream of conciousness that isn't overwhelming.

because we want our film to be beautiful, not realistic

i was told to update. being the obedient person i am i am doing so.

so finally bought a road bike. went on the first ride this weekend. very short. my ass hurts a lot. it was amazing. i can't wait for longer rides. and for my ass to hurt less. she's a gorgeous candy red dolce. i will post pictures. because i am one proud momma.

for now some super boring pictures. my office. this is my large computer screen. don't be fooled. it's not that nice. i don't even have autocad. notice dr pepper. hot pink nalgene. pretty colors to color with. and post its. always a billion post its. the picture on the back ground of my computer is a picture of tetons. which i stole from a girl who loves them a whole lot. then i tried to take a picture of myself. i accidentally zoomed in. gew.
















so thanksgiving is this week. and i am going home for the first time in MONTHS. i am, to say the least, reallyfuckingexcited. i get to ride i get to ride i get to ride. i miss my horse. i miss riding everyday. i even miss that world (sometimes).

i also get to see my lovely puppies. and take an extended bike ride.

life is looking good.

one more thing to share. radical face. it rocks my face. welcome home, son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afAIqz0AuW4

i highly recommend.

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who's still around the morning after
We broke up a month ago, and I grew up
I didn't knowI'd be around the morning after
It's always been wait and see
A happy day and then you'll pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around
And instead of falling down
I'm standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
She'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says it 'til it shows
See how it is, they want you or they don't
Say yes

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who's still around the morning after


things are getting better. overall. with everything. The escape plan has been set in motion. someday soon I am going to be much poorer. But my head will feel lighter and these four walls will be far far away.

i still need to learn to love the city until i leave though. i will make an honest effort. i promise. next weekend is girl talk. if that can't help i don't know what will.

sing me spanish techno

acl was fantastic. quick run down.

non musical highlights:

• our hotel. i highly recommend the holiday inn express. best free continental breakfast in the world. frankly. the whole place rocked my face off.
• GIANT lone stars
• new kick ass programs
• biking. in austin. at night. we biked to the park everyday. the first day though we biked from downtown. biking to 6th street across the bridge. cool breeze. i know where i belong. i want to bike in austin every night.

musical highlights:

• band of horses. they played the great salt lake at dusk. last day of the festival. the most magical time.
• tegan and sara. always a delight. and fucking hilarious.
• robert and ms krauss. i love me some krauss.
• conor doing a simon and garfunkel cover
• okkervil river rocking out. way more extreme than i thought they would.
• STARS telling us the water was poison.
• CSS. one word: bodysuit.
• FLEET FOXES. thank you thank you, you beardy mountain men.
• and David MF Byrne. founder of my favorite band. i absolutely adored the people on stage and their interpretive dancing.

successful weekend.

college station

this weekend. i hope i get trapped there by the hurricane. go gustav!

so i ran the day before yesterday. i opted out of biking in the park, and was going to try to discover the city on foot a little. it was highly enjoyable and i plan to do it again tonight. even though i have mind blowing shin splints. i'm not used to running on pavement.

anyways. i ran through the neighborhood across from my apartment. it's a mix of old and new. the new being extremely nice McMansions. well that isn't fair. some are tasteful. but all are large. the new loom over the older houses in a kind of daunting way. as if they're daring their owner to tear down the sad pathetic old house and replace it with a large energy eating monster.

ok. i sound a little bitter. i think because i love those old homes. the brick. i love the brick. the neighborhood reminded me of my mema's back in dallas. i adored her house. it was large and full of love and very old. we had to sell it after she died, and the new owner assholes tore it down to build their own McMansion. i loved that place (and my mema) a lot.

my run basically turned into sightseeing. i probably looked creepy and stalkerish. sweating and red and huffing. slowing to a walk when i saw a gorgeous house. most had big front windows. and it was dinner time. and as i was admiring these houses it probably looked like i was staring at the families as well...oh well. i plan on doing the same thing again tonight.

it also made me realize i missed my own family. very much.

When life hands you lemons

paint that shit gold.

Get into the car and you point it at the west

one of these days i'm really going to get out of here....i swear. i just want to plan my escape a little better first. then i'm on the first train westbound. to the mountains.

I don't do lunch

and i still don't have internet at my apartment. so i am doing this now. at lunch.

so, new town for awhile now. it's still not sinking in. maybe because i don't have a couch still. maybe once i get some furniture in my apartment it will seem more like a home than some place i just happen to have a key to.

but also settling in means this is permanent. i don't know why i am treating this whole thing like a burden. maybe i should just pretend i am on some amazing adventure. where everything is temporary. including this nagging feeling in my mind. you know how you get the night before a big test? stessed (to the max) when you feel like you haven't studied enough. i feel like that every night before bed. sleep is a luxury these days and so is being rested.

i don't like anxiety.

i do enjoy riding my bike around houston though. it still scares the holymotherpearl out of me sometimes. but it's very enjoyable. i need to get my old road bike down here. so travis and i can properly begin our bike gang.

as weird and stressful as things are right now i just know one thing "everything is going to get lighteeeeeeeer, even if it never gets betteeeeer"

so excited for acl.

change, change, change...

so. it's been awhile in my new town. still don't know much. except for my apartment. my work. and the quiznos down the street from my apartment.

large city with culture and whatnot and all i know is the quiznos. that is impressive. how much i do not know. oh wait. i know the mall.

i plan on making it to the park today. damn the perverts i keep hearing about. i also hear it has rad trails and i guess i can deal.

i can not wait to get paid on tuesday. i am pretty sure i am going to buy more camping gear than i ever needed in my life. i left all of my old stuff behind. mostly because it was shared with my dad. and because it was just old. i need to get out of the city. that's a fact. so i want to be well prepared. i hope that camping happens next weekend.

if i don't make it to the park today that's because amy has seduced me with her lake house (not really hers but who is keeping score?) the lake is super nice. it's no ray roberts. and i wish i had the balls to kayak at the moment. but maybe in time....

i am just ready for adventures. in any form. i am loving my job at the moment actually. the people here are AMAZING. so so nice. but i miss home. a lot. i miss my kids more than anything.

oh dear.

You can't swim in a town this shallow - you will most assuredly drown tomorrow.

ok. i don't think houston is that horrible. i just had a slightly off day with this slightly off city. i guess today we didn't mesh and i let it get me down.

i also made the mistake of looking up the cnfr results from casper so far. i had that place for the last four summers. and to not be there now kind of hurts. it was always my escape. but it had an expiration date i guess and i can never go back. not in the same way i used to.

days like this make me miss the hole of vv. and not seeing people for days except my folks. it was usually just tex, my bike, and pi. i spent everyday strictly with things i loved and adored.

problem is i still felt trapped there. and like i wasn't contributing or doing anything fucking useful. i can live that way for a few weeks. sure. but not months and months.

now i have thrown myself back into society. and life has never seemed more real. and scary. and full of opportunities. and amazing. and...let's just hope i don't fuck this up.

rise up with fists

so. last night. first night out in my new town.

we went and took our chances at chances first. =) thanks cory. it was actually a lot of fun. there was dyke idol. and a super neat dance floor. fun times dancing with amos. and watching chatt acting like he was scared of all the lesbians. he was afraid they hated him. then we went to boondocks. also fun dancing times. there i spilled to chatt about how i don't think i will last here for more than 2 years. there were a lot of people on the back porch. i felt really overwhelmed. i missed wyoming.

we'll see what happens.

fun video time? i have never been a fan of goldfrapp. and what i mean by that is that i really disliked the first album. but now i think they are amazing. i'm loving it.


never write off a band entirely i suppose.

anyways. i am going to start being a little bit more positive about the new life here.

forget your politics for awhile

i have been a fan of mates of state for awhile. their sound has changed slightly over the years. in a good way. still very lovable. and twee. and catchy. and just really amazing.


so i made the jump. now living in h-town. and i will begin work on monday. i am very excited.

and scared shitless.

i left a lot behind. and i am still not ready to deal yet.

but it has made me realize what i think i really want to do. this lawyer jazz was something that had developed over the last year. i had gained a new appreciation and a slight love for law. and especially construction law. i studied for the lsat. i knew where i wanted to go.

but i couldn't commit. it wasn't a passion. and i was really scared that i would get a year into law school. and that much into debt. and realize that it wasn't what i really wanted to do. for forever.

something that i have always been a fan of is green construction and sustainable design. there's a program at UT that i've been interested in ever since i started college. so, i think i will stick with this job for awhile. save up. and then try that out.

slightly different from law. but something i am way more passionate about.

Whoop Dee Doo

i don't understand ssion. but that's ok. cos i can still dance to it.


fun stuff kids. oh and this was them performing live on a children's show. and they make out. yay.

and i can't get enough of thao!



so cute.

and i recall the push more than the fall

Tift Merritt anyone? Broken -


I listen to this song at least once a day. It's an addiction. I really dig her.

Saw Indiana Jones yesterday. Memorial day with mom. we don't talk much anymore. actually i hardly ever talk anymore. i think i have completely lost the ability to hold a real conversation. if it wasn't for a few phone calls i would go all day without saying a word.

i've been reading a lot more lately. more than ever. it gives me something to do while i sit here and wait. i have only so much patience. i'm not very good at these waiting games. no calls today. i am getting anxious. and pretty fucking irritated.

please call soon. for my sanity ok?

ok so indiana sucked. the only saving grace is this wonderful woman

she's perfect. i swear.

ok, and this is kind of funny. even though it's sad when he gets maced.

el caminos in the west

We do not believe that love is free
cause anything worth fighting for doesn't come for free
we believe in time that you will see
how a war might save us
how a war might save us
we believe in time that you will see
the institutions of the world will only serve to enslave us.

it's time for you and i to face the signs and realize that living's a battle
for all the times we cried and told the lies and realized life's not a rehearsal

come on babe, swing your heartache
come on babe, swing your heartache

we have learned that hope does not come cheap
we all must sacrifice in the name of our beliefs
we believe in time that you will see
the frontier is misery
the frontier is misery
what do you think it is that makes us free?
a life without boundaries if you question everything

it's time for you and i to face the signs and realize that living's a battle
for all the times we've cried and told the lies and realized life's not a rehearsal

come on babe, swing your heartache
come on babe, swing your heartache

here's something that you should know
getting older doesn't always mean you grow
turning from the shadows following behind you
to stare at the sun can easily blind you
the only way to learn, you're not afraid to die
could very well involve risking your life
despite the contradictions that these worlds imply,
you've got to live on, live on, live on.

that's a lot of lyrics. i know. but they are nice. as is Young Galaxy. canadian bands are where it's at it seems.

this week i find out if my life changes. in a huge way. it will the end of my rodeo life as i know. i have been telling myself (and believing myself) that i was fine with giving up this barrel racing life. i mean really. it's been a good run. pretty much 23 years of rodeo after rodeo. i really only got into it because of my mother right??

but holy fucking shit. 23 years! and i've had tex for 13 of these years. he's basically my child. this all hit me pretty hard at about 6:30 am thursday morning.

i had just gotten home from claremore, oklahoma. i had to jump in the shower, pack my shit and immediately drive to houston for an interview. thursday was a long day to say the least. anyways, i think the interviews went well. but i am still hoping about the one in bastrop. i want to live in austin. i really really do. this is scary to admit this. because i might not get the job. and i will feel a little like a failure...

houston would be legit too though.

oh, and has anyone seen the line up for ACL? amazing!

I likey Lykke Li

Oh and Radiohead was fantasMIC. Great times in Houston.

mayday

been awhile. haven't been in the mood. And i have been pretty detached from the real world i think. i let myself get into something.


i feel like i'm losing touch with old loves though. and the only one to blame is myself. maybe once i get off this hill. get a real job in a real town. i have all summer. i'm going to start working hard for those old loves again. i can't lose them.

i hope i didn't destroy anything.

maybe this will help

Tuesday

Happy V-Day.

voice on tape

Jenny Owen Youngs. Let's just all take a minute and appreciate her.



i need to move on

summer hill

it feels nice outside. so nice. i want to trap it in a jar. So I can bring it out when things get shitty. I am officially going to SXSW. I can't wait. There is nothing better than good live music. It helps my soul. My heart. Live music helps me feel whole. I've never had this feeling anywhere else.

and so it goes...

I've decided to start looking for a real job. My dreams just aren't panning out right now. I think this environment isn't good for me right now. I feel like a failure. I hate that feeling. I'm not used to it. I love my folks so much, but things just aren't working...

Anyways who else is loving this MGMT band?? "I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars. You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars." love it.

I wish it would rain. It would fit my mood. I want to move to Austin and just get on with my life. I feel like I'm standing still here and everyone else is moving in fast motion. I'm going ot get left behind. At least I get to see everyone this weekend. A mini college reunion. It will be fantastic.

Why...

i miss the easiness

Living the dream, living with my parents

So, I've been back home for almost 2 months. Luckily I haven't tried to kill my folks or harm myself or others in any way. I actually get along with my parents pretty well. Life is actually pretty good. The down part is that I live in the country (which I love) but it makes it hard to go out. So I have become slightly agoraphobic. I have very few friends up here anyways. I really really miss my college friends....

ok, frankly I am boring myself. And it is such a beautiful day outside. I think I am going to go bike some.